Diary of a Mad Fat Girl by Stephanie McAfee

Have you ever been a part of a book club? 


I've been in more than I can count. I have something of a book club problem if truth be told. But one of the things I like the most about book clubs is the opportunity to read something that I would never have picked up on my own.  I am something of a persnickety reader.  Maybe even a snooty reader. So I need a nudge every now and then to get me out of my comfort zone.


This month's BlogHer selection, Diary of a Mad Fat Girl* by Stephanie McAfee, definitely fit that bill. If you're looking for a story that is fast-paced, hilarious and requires absolutely nothing from you as a reader then you should add this to your list. We get the story first person through the voice of Ace who is every bit as hilarious as everyone who has reviewed this book says she is. Diary of a Mad Fat Girl wasn't my thing, but it was a fun read. 


I can't keep myself from adding that I had a problem with the title. It was clear that the girl was mad and that she was a girl, but was she fat? There was definitely reference to the fact that she had put on a few post break-up pounds, but if we are to believe that that is her tail on the cover, I call foul on the F word. 

If you've read the book and want to join the conversation, head over to BlogHer for discussions and more information about the book and the author.

* I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions are my own.

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The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown

The Weird Sisters* by Eleanor Brown is a story of finding your way, growing up and getting on with it within the fabric of a family.  Rose, Bianca and Cordelia flew the nest years ago, but when their Mother is diagnosed with breast cancer they all return home to realize all the ways in which they never really left in the first place.  These women grabbed me from the prologue and I was drawn right into the center of their lives.  Each of the characters (not the least of which is Barnwell, the town in which the story unfolds) is richly and compassionately drawn.

 
This is Eleanor Brown.  From what I understand, The Weird Sisters is her first novel, but she's hard at work on another one.  (I found that out by reading her blog)  I'm hardly the first to notice, but this lady has a great voice.  One of my favorite things about the book is her choice to write in the first person plural.  It's a point-of-view that isn't often used and can be difficult to maintain over the course of an entire novel.  Some books that use this POV can be hard to follow (The Fates Will Find Their Way by Hannah Pittard is an example), but in The Weird Sisters, it absolutely works.  In fact, I think it works so well because the story requires it.  Instead of either hearing the voice of only one of the thee sisters or dividing the narrative into three distinct pieces, she merges each of their voices into one and the story just sings with it.


Has anyone else read this one?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  If you want to find out more about the BlogHer Book Club head on over here and join in the conversation.


* I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions are my own.

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Creating an On-Purpose Life

I'm preoccupied with purpose. You might even say I'm consumed. It's been brewing for quite some time (likely around the time I decided to leave academia and stay home with Yogi), but it has really launched into fever pitch since the new year began.

At 25 days into 2012, I have spent the bulk (maybe ALL?) of my non-Yogi, non-wife, non-task driven time thinking about this question of purpose.

What am I here to do?

How should I prepare myself for what comes next?

How am I using what I've got to contribute to something meaningful?

Being home with Yogi and nurturing my family was and is a decision that's all about purpose. I spent years (and I do mean YEARS) preparing for the career I left to stay home and the decision wasn't an easy one. It was scary to take such a risk (what if I couldn't get back in the game?), but at a certain point it was clear. There is no other way to say it. I thought and thought and prayed and meditated and prayed and talked endlessly with my wife and then there it was. The answer.

I would hop off the career track and stay home with the baby.

It was right for my family.

It was right for me.

I'm not sure who it was that said it, but I love the idea of living life on purpose. It is a kind of inner-directed purpose that has driven every major decision in my life. Again and again I have followed this pattern of being faced with the question of what to do next, turning it over and over and over in my mind and then suddenly (poof!) the answer just comes.

It doesn't come when I call it, but it does come and when it does, everything is clear. Just like that. I know what I'm meant to do and I move forward trusting deeply in the rightness of it. I'm telling you this because I haven't gotten to the clarity with this one yet . I'm probably not even close. Here's what I know for sure so far:

I won't be home forever. Yogi and Monkey will go to pre-school and then onto regular school and I will have increasingly empty spaces in my day.

Bringing actual money into this house would (in spite of all I know about the value I am bringing now) feel fabulous. I like to pitch in and do my part and making a financial contribution is very safe space for me. The fact that I am emotionally capable of allowing my wife to shoulder the financial burden for our family is one of the most significant statements of the degree of trust and safety I have in this relationship. It's a big deal. I'm totally weird about money.

I want to find (create?) work that will allow me significant flexibility. Not only am I impossibly independent and off the charts on “need for autonomy”, but I have kids. I would love to be home after school and available for meetings and field trips and whatever it is that happens at school.

I want to write something that lots of people will read. Something that is meaningful and maybe even useful. Something that has to do with families like ours.

STRANGE REAL-TIME INTERRUPTION

I am writing this in a coffee shop and was pausing after that last sentence when I started tuning into the conversation at the next table. Beside me is a maybe 8 year old girl with her father. They have been working on what looks like some kind of school assignment for the last little bit. I just realized that the little girl is reading a passage over and over and this is what it is:

Ask, and it shall be given you

Seek, and ye shall find

Knock, and it shall be opened unto you

Now they are discussing it. How crazy is that?!!!

BACK TO THE ACTUAL POST

The trouble is that I'm not sure what that looks like yet.  What form it might take.  I'm wrestling with it and although whatever change comes will be a few years off, I want to be ready for it.  I like to be prepared, to have the ground work all laid out.

But.... I'm not there yet.  For now, I'm just making myself available for what comes.  I guess what I'm doing is asking and seeking and knocking. That sounds pretty zen, doesn't it?  Only because you can't hear my fingers tapping on the table beside the keyboard.

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The Terrible Twos

No, not Yogi.

I'm talking about this blog.  It's 2 years and 5 months old.  Can you believe it?!!

When I started writing in August of 2009, I needed an outlet.  I needed a place to talk about TTC - what it felt like, how scary and expensive and disappointing it could be.  Those weren't things that I wanted to talk about out loud, but I did want to talk about them.  I needed to talk about them.

What I found when I started writing was that there was a community of us!  Brave, honest, smart and thoughtful women (and some men ;) )creating families and sharing their stories with each other.  Instead of laughing or crying or eating too many cookies all by myself, I got to do it with all of you and that continues to be a blessing.

In case I haven't said it out loud, "Thank you!". 

Thank you for cheering us on and sharing in our excitement and crossing your fingers and telling me my baby is cute and offering suggestions when I've needed them and well, for reading.  And thanks for sharing your stories as well; in the comments and by email and in your own blogs.  It feels good to be part of a tribe and this is a mighty fine one.  

So, why did I mention the Terrible Twos?

Love Invents Us is going through some growing pains.  I'm not preparing to launch into a tantrum, but I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want to use this space.  

As I mentioned earlier, I initially started this blog for very specific reasons.  I wanted a place to capture all of the waiting and wondering and worrying of TTC and a blog seemed like a good fit.  Then when we got pregnant later that year, I wrote to chronicle the adventure of pregnancy.  Nine months after that we had Yogi and I wrote about his infancy and all the ways our lives were changing and how we fell in love with our boy.  

Now we have a toddler and another one on the way.  I'm no longer a psychology professor, but a Stay-at-Home Mom.  This time next year I will have two children under the age of three.  Life is changing as it always does.

So.... how is Love Invents Us changing?

I don't have the answer to that question just yet, but I'm working on it.  Part of that is wondering about you, the readers.  The other members of this tribe.

• Why do you read Love Invents Us?  What keeps you reading?
• What would you like more of (anecdotes, book reviews, pictures, recipes, something else entirely)?
• Less of?
• What kind of information/stories/resources do you think lesbian Moms need that they aren't getting?

I would love to know your thoughts on any/all of these questions. 

I know I'm asking a lot of you here, but my birthday is coming up, so you can think of it as an early birthday present. ;) 

Reply in the comments or send an email (loveinventsus@gmail).

Thanks!

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A Cute, Funny Wall but a Wall All the Same

Remember how November was going to be all about writing?

Yeah. me too.
It even was for the first twelve days.

I was on FIRE and I managed to write a little more than 16,000 words on a story that I really think is worth writing,  I had done all sorts of planning and preparation and getting to know my characters ahead of time and I was ready for go-time.  I also decided to go for a post a day on the blog because, you know, if you're going to do it you might as well just do it, right?

Then there was the long weekend and the family togetherness and the technological snafus and somehow..... I lost my momentum.

I started doing things like cleaning the house and cooking dishes that I've never tried before and watching 30 Rock during nap time.  (Aside - How did I miss this show?  I'm aware enough to know that Tina Fey is a pretty big deal these days, but I had no idea she was that funny.  I kinda wish I hadn't found out.)  Not writing.  That's the point.

Instead of writing I am watching television shows about writers.  I've hit the wall.

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NaBloPoMo and Let's Play Pretend

It is entirely possibly (likely?) that I am losing my mind, but I'm doing NaBloPoMo this month.  Yes, you read that right.  I am doing NaNoWriMo AND NaBloPoMo during the month of November, a month which also features nine days of travel (two separate trips), the arrival of babies for two of my closest friends, and not a babysitting grandparent in sight.  I said I wanted to focus on writing, didn't I?  I'm thinking it's put-up-or-shut-up time.

So, in case you haven't heard of these events, here's a little information:

NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) - encourages bloggers to post new content during each day in November.  The BlogHer site (link embedded above) provides prompts each day to keep you motivated. 

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) - challenges writers to write 50,000 original words in 30 days.  This is a HUGE event with a recently updated website that offers resources like message boards, the occasional emailed pep talk and local in-your-neighborhood groups that organize for events like write-ins.  I did this for the first time last year and it was a fabulous experience.  I can't recommend it enough.

If you need a little more encouragement to jump on the NaBloPoMo train, there are other fun folks who are taking this challenge with me.  You can look forward to a post a day from:

Puffer
Lesbian Dad
Reproducing Genuis

If you're participating and you're not one of the folks I've linked to, please leave your blog in the comments and I'll add you in. The more the merrier!

Perhaps I've been influenced by the magic of the Blog Carnival, but I would be even more excited about this event if we could get together a little sub group of lesbian Mommy bloggers and post on topics that matter to us.  I'm pretty sure I've waited too late on this one, but if anyone is game and wants to get together a list of prompts send me an email (loveinventsus@gmail.com) and we can work on it together.

***You may notice that this post is NOT dated November 2.  What can I say except "Damn the draft folder!".  I could have sworn I hit "publish" last night before doing the dinner dishes, but Blogger is pretty insistent that I didn't.  So, looks like I'm off to a great start!  I've decided that the solution is to just play pretend.  I don't see any November 3 up there, looks like November 2 to me!***

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